Self-sabotage and protecting your (he)art

Comedians are no strangers to imposter syndrome and sabotaging their creativity. 

Much of what we do requires mixing our vulnerability with creativity and hoping that strangers will see us and our art in a positive light. That need for acceptance can lead to procrastination, isolation and self-doubt - all major contributors of creative self-sabotage. 

In order to understand why we self-sabotage in the first place we have to acknowledge the times we are living in - everything around us requires us to rush the process. There’s a physical and often an invisible deadline we’re all chasing in our professional and personal lives, but when it comes to art things just get real messy real fast. Artists in general have a very hard time controlling their nervous system and regulating their emotions. Hence the everlasting issue with all sorts of addiction in the world of entertainment. It's so easy to develop an imposter syndrome that will just whisper to you that you are not good enough and that you don’t belong. 

In the process of building our comedy career we will often run into these creative blocks that will question every decision we make going forward, and ultimately take us to a place where we ask ourselves - is this where I need to be, is this the career I truly want to pursue? The reality is nobody can answer that question for you. However, there are some things to consider before pulling a plug on all your hard work.

Signs of self-sabotage

Self-sabotage is a form of self protection. The world is chaotic so you want to feel like you have something in control because you predicted the outcome. It’s the subconscious programming that believes that whatever you are trying to accomplish, you don’t deserve it. You are essentially afraid of success. 

We often find comfort in chaos and a familiar chaos is easier than the overwhelming fear of unfamiliarity and change, so you gotta ask yourself: is your comfort zone healthy or just familiar? If it’s familiar it gives you the illusion of safety. We self-sabotage to keep ourselves congruent with our comfort zone which is not necessarily pleasant, just familiar. Unfortunately, stand up comedy brings a lot of uncertainty, in terms of performance and opportunities. That will leave you feeling some type of way. Your core identity and core beliefs will be put to test on a daily basis.  

In the era of social media it’s very easy to get distracted by what everyone else is doing and thinking you need to replicate that same level of creativity and feedback. Playing catch up with social trends is a tedious job, one that can leave you overwhelmed, anxious and tired. We don't allow ourselves to patiently explore what we wanna do because there are so many distractions. When we feel we are not walking in the right direction and with purpose we tend to procrastinate. This is a common problem for a lot of artists as everyone is not just trying to produce art but also find a way to monetize it. And they want it now. It comes to the point where you start sacrificing the quality of your work and even jeopardizing your reputation. The hamster wheel of the entertainment business creates crazymakers and isolated people. We see this in every art form. Despite the popular belief, a large number of comedians are introverts, we function best when we are left alone with our own thoughts. That space from the outside world allows us to focus on what truly harvests our opinions and finds vessels to express ourselves. 

Self-sabotage is tightly connected to the pattern of failing, where we have a habit of creating unrealistic goals, get tired, lose focus and energy and eventually lose confidence to keep going. Stand up comedy can push you into a state of hyper-independence. You don’t ask for help, trying to do everything by yourself without any support, and then it becomes unsustainable. As much as we are part of this big network at the end of the day it’s every man for himself.

Overcoming self-sabotage

A lot of what we do requires to have so much faith in ourselves and our abilities, and both are tested daily. In order to keep your sanity and stay productive you need to develop a system in place that can help you navigate challenges. 

Focus on what you can control - You go to one show or an open mic and your (new) material hits hard - every joke, every point, you did your job and it paid off. The very next day you go to a different room and that same set is not getting the same love you got just the day before. You instantly get in your head and start questioning everything. The reality is, not everyone is gonna resonate with what you’re creating, your comedy is not for them, it’s for those that are attracted to your style. You can’t control who's gonna like you. You have no business measuring yourself against others. When you do that you think you are being humble but in reality you are not giving yourself permission to be free to express yourself and attract those who are actually looking for someone like you to relate to. If you are excited about your work there’s someone who will be on the receiving end of it so don’t hold back. Your only focus should be on creating work, not its acceptance. A lot of times the audience doesn't know what they like, they are influenced by the media, cancel culture and social justice warriors. There are many polarizing comedians nowadays that are doing really well, but that was not always the case nor it will be. You can’t lose your sleep over it. 

Regulating your emotions - Not performing at the desirable level will often leave you helpless and being able to regulate your nervous system can pay off big time. What usually helps me is briefly stepping away from the project to get some clarity. For me, taking a walk, a long shower, or even a few days off usually put things in perspective. If you are feeling stuck it’s because you know you need to move but there’s something about your situation you’re unwilling to give up. It’s important to not allow your short term feelings to affect your long term goals. In this industry you really need to develop a tolerance for negative emotions as you will encounter them on a daily basis. You will be misquoted, someone will start a rumor about you, keyboard warriors on social media will dissect every clip you post, people in power will mistreat you and so much of what you witness will look completely unfair. If you allow all this to break you you will no longer enjoy doing comedy. Pain, frustration, annoyance, are all part of the process. If you are running into an obstacle and get frustrated about it, ask yourself why you are heated so much. Is it because you are not in control, or you are afraid you're gonna upset somebody. One thing that can help you is journaling and noting moments that got you triggered. Is it the rejection, people mocking you, being ignored? What about the situation you don’t agree with? Recognizing what your triggers are can help you to find a way to better regulate your emotions. 

Self-sabotage can be a product of misguided self-love and procrastination is not laziness, it's lack of routine. Are you preparing or are you stalling? Practice sitting with your discomfort and let it all play out.

This year I wrote several blogs about how to better navigate different elements of stand up comedy and manage your time in a way that can serve your progress more effectively. Check them out and let me know in the comments what you find the most helpful way to avoid self-sabotaging.